Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - Update

Hi All, I apologize for the reduced number of postings. Summer has been quite busy. Can anyone believe we are almost done with June and I have actually seen Christmas decorations in two stores. Unfortunately, Father's Day coupled with the brain surgery of a close relative sent Steve into a funky spiral. He was able to come out of it on our camping trip this past weekend. Also, the surgery was a success and the prognosis is very good! Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Our camping trip was really great. Steve took Friday off and we were able to head out as soon as we picked up Zoe from school. Friday night was mostly just spent setting up and getting to know the terrain. Then on Saturday, we headed out for a hike that ended up being over six miles. Zoe was a real trooper on the hike and having a kiddo backpack was a real life saver. At one point, when she had worn Steve out, I ended up putting her on my shoulders and carrying her up the mountain! The reward was a beautiful rest at some spectacular falls/river. The water was ice cold and the sound of the river was mesmerizing to me (and Zoe). When we finally got back to our tent, we all took a great, long nap! We all slept really well up there. I was surprised. I love my ThermaRest air mattress and down sleeping bag. Our tent was great too! On Sunday we took a two hour horse ride. Zoe was great for the first 15 minutes then she was very uncomfortable and distressed by her constantly slipping cowboy boots! Once we got that situation under control, she had a great time. Of course just about an hour and a half into the ride, it starts to rain. Mountain rain is very uncomfortable on top of a horse with a screaming three year old and no rain gear. I do NOT recommend it! Luckily we got to the stables quickly and Zoe was ready to go again!

So I'm okay but I am freaking out on how to make ends meet. I really need to return to work and bring in some income, but that thought does not make my heart sing! It actually makes it sink. I really want to honor Alex's life with my time, attention and energy. So far the most we have done is the Steps N Strides Walk and in August, I will participate in the "Relay for Life" to benefit the American Cancer Society. I know I need to give myself time, but I don't want to lose our house in the process of our grief! This sucks on so many levels for so many people and I'm afraid the end is not in sight.

So did you know that my brother is in Afghanistan? He is part of the 101st Airborne and he is the pilot of a Black Hawk helicopter. His birthday was Saturday and I just missed his phone call this morning. I know many Americans are anxiously awaiting to have their loved ones home. I am most definitely one of them. Joe has a lovely wife, Courtney and an incredible little boy, William. I can't wait to see them all again. You may remember we met for the first time when they came out for Alex's service in December. What was so amazing about that was how quickly and easily it was to be around each other. There was none of that "awkwardness" one would expect when meeting a sibling for the first time in thirty something years.

So the play space is coming along quite nicely. We laid sod down three weeks ago and Zoe's house is mostly complete. I am awaiting the items for her "sensory garden" to come in to finish off the space. Steve still wants to finish the stage as well. So far the favorite item is the water feature. Zoe loves to be naked and splash around. It is almost more of a toddler tub than a water fountain.

I hope you all have a happy holiday.

God Bless!
G

Wednesday, June 10, 2008 -Zoe's Questions

Hi all. I want to share a conversation Zoe and I had the other day.

Z - "Mommy, I don't want to watch this show. It's Alex's show."
G- "Yes, it is one of Alex's favorite shows."
Z- "Mommy, Alex come home soon?"
G-"No Zoe, Alex is dead. He can't come home. And that is very sad."
Z- "Alex cross the street?"
G-"No, Alex did not cross the street. Remember, Alex had a bump?"
Z-"Alex bonk his head?"
G-"No Zoe, Alex did not bonk his head. Alex's bump was inside his head." (tears flowing now)
Z-"I kiss it!"
G-"Zoe, that is very sweet. But you can't kiss Alex's bump. It is very sad that Alex is not here. But he loves you very much and will always be with you here (point to her heart)."
Z-silence
G-"Would you like to come outside and see your new playhouse?"
Z-"New playhouse? Oh YES, YES, YES!!!" (runs to back door)

The next day we had almost that exact same conversation again. Zoe really wants to make sense of this and she really, really wants her brother back. She wants to "kiss it and make it better." It is very sweet and very sad.

I have to say that I am doing better. I booked three camping trips for our family this summer. Our July trip we will be accompanied by five other wonderful families, all with young children. I'm so excited. We invested in some new camping gear and can't wait to get to the mountains for some R and R. We never got to take Alex camping. We did do hikes with Alex and several car rides. But it has been over two years since we really spent much time away in the mountains.

In addition to the camping trips, we are planning a trip to my home town for some fun lakeside living!! My family is going to be STUNNED when they see how Zoe has grown. I can't wait to get and give big hugs from them all!

Steve and I have been working hard on the back yard and specifically the play space. We should have it pretty complete within a week or so. We got a great play house kit for Zoe and friends assembled this past Sunday. She is so happy with it! We are in the process now of building a platform for it and painting it. I hope you like the picture!

Okay, I'm going to meet a girlfriend in a few. God bless you all and thank you for your continued support and wonderful comments.

G