Wednesday, March 26, 2008 - Mendocino, CA!!!

I was sad to leave Gaige House and Sonoma yesterday. I was not sure the scenery or accommodations could get much better, but once again I was wrong!!! I am happy to report that Mendocino and the Heritage House are absolutely beautiful. See for yourself!!

I had a dream with Alexander Monday night. Once again, it ended when I thought "if Alex is dead, how is this happening?" But since then, I have seen and felt him on every sunlit leaf and wondrous blue wave of the ocean. I know he has brought us to this place because it is one of his favorites and he wanted to share it with us.

Yesterday, we stopped at a mall on the road. A young teenage man was walking in ahead of us and his dress was not appealing to me and I said to Steve, "I hope Alex doesn't ever dress like that!" I then realized what I had done. It still boggles my mind!

So today we plan to go to the lighthouse and state park down the road. We may go canoeing and or horseback riding too!!

Thank you all for the wonderful postings. I can't believe people still read the blog!

love and God Bless!
G

Monday March 24, 2008 - Honeymooners!!

I have no idea if I mentioned this before, but Steve and I are taking a honeymoon (after 7 years of marriage) in California. We left last Thursday and after 15 hours of travel, we arrived in San Francisco. We spent the evening with Steve's sister and her husband. They took us out and on the town in SF!!! I remember having a great time and twisting my ankle. The details though are kinda fuzzy. The next day we went to China Camp and rested at Weber Point. It was beautiful and so quiet. I loved it. We went on a hike the next day and it was just what the doctor ordered. I also discovered that I like to take nature photo shots. I'm having a blast in this lush landscape that is Northern California.

Long story short, Steve left his wallet on top of the car as we were leaving Weber Point and we went to get a bite about 20 minutes away. This is when he realized the wallet was missing and we headed back to Point. We did a thorough search and just as we started to scour the road, Steve's mom called and said "Did you lose your wallet?" A very kind gentleman (and cute!!) had found Steve's wallet in the middle of the road and called the house! We drove back down and met him. We really wanted to buy him a drink but he had things to do. So I must say, the trip has been very interesting so far.

The next thing to happen was that I double booked our second night in CA. I had us in two hotels and so we missed one night at The Gaige House! We have been here two nights now and will leave tomorrow morning. This place is so incredible. The staff upgraded our room to a Zen suite. It has a "geodome" tub that Steve and I can both fit into; a Zen garden, and one of the most comfortable beds we have ever slept in!! Tomorrow we will head to Mendocino!

So this morning, I was relaxing over breakfast and I felt my muscles actually "release". It was a somewhat painful experience and I commented that my muscles really don't know how to be relaxed. They have been tense for so long!!! Anyway, it is my goal to get them used to this!

I hope you all are having a great day! I know I am!

Gotta love those Angels!!!

Love and God bless!
G

Friday, March 7, 2008 - Dreamy Alex

So last night I had a dream. Alex and I were on vacation and I think Steve was working on this vacation, because we talked about meeting him "after work." Alex still had cancer but it was not terminal and he was quite active. I remember we went swimming, sight seeing and bought souvenirs from a very rude clerk. Anyway, I was so happy. I felt so much joy and delight in every moment of this dream. Alex made me laugh, like he always did, and it was just an incredible experience.

Unfortunately, all good things must end and this dream ended when this thought popped into my head - "how is Alex here, if he is dead?" and just as soon as that thought came to me, Alex was gone. When I told Steve about it this morning, I started crying (like now). I think the sadness comes from remembering the feeling of being with Alex. He always brought joy and laughter, smiles and amazement to my world. Oh, I miss him so much. So very, very much.

Sorry this post was such a downer. I just wanted to document this event so that I never forget.

Love and God Bless,

G

Tuesday, March 4, 2008 - Three Months Today

Hi Everyone. Today marks the 12th week we have been without our dear Alexander. I could tell last night that Steve was upset and I asked him what was going on. He said, "I read the blog." I asked, "which one?" and he replied, "all of it, to March." Immediately my head screamed "why would you do that? What would possess anyone to torment themselves like that." Luckily I refrained from expressing this sentiment out loud and later he explained that he was downloading the pages and just started reading. I can't imagine how I would deal with such a thing. And to top it off, Steve brought in a box from the porch and announced that "you have a package." I thought it was a gift or something then I remembered that the video company that made a DVD of Alex's Memorial Service would arrive soon and put 2 and 2 together. The DVD has a beautiful picture of Alex on the front cover and just seeing that incredible smile sent my mind spinning.

So needless to say, today has been a hard day for Steve. I on the other hand had the blessing of walking into ZG's school this morning and seeing Alex's teacher from 4 months to 2.5 years standing there. She moved to Hawaii a few months ago and I just loved seeing her beautiful face. I think we both started crying immediately. I then asked her out for a cup of tea and we spent the next hour catching up and just touching base. She is such a dear person, it was so great to hear that she is doing well and finding joy in her life. Either she or the extra cup of Joe got my blood going and I was enlivened to get moving on one of the many projects to honor Alex that I have been putting off. I think the first one will to publish the book we wrote and illustrated together. It is a wonderful tale and I can't wait to share it with the world.

Last night I spent some time on Oprah's website in the online classroom for "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It was an incredible experience but I really need to finish reading the book to get the most out of it. Anyway the first note I took was this: "What does LIFE want from me?" Oprah talked about how she prays on bended knee for God to use her. This really touched me in a very special way. Instead of figuring out what I want from LIFE, perhaps I should ask LIFE what it wants from me and see what happens. I am excited to get that going. I just have to find a few moments of silence and stillness to make that happen. Much easier said than done, as any parent can tell you!!!

Another comment that touched me last night was trying to "be like a babe" as we experience our lives. This morning ZG woke up and we went straight to the potty. She did her biz then got off and went for the TP. Then I hear, "TOILET PAPER!!" It was like she had found the most amazing, most beautiful thing on earth. Her enthusiasm over toilet paper was remarkable and I immediately thought of how it would be to experience everything that way. Can you imagine if we walked into our jobs and said "TELEPHONE!! or FAX MACHINE!!!" and awed at the incredible technology we have at our fingertips these days? I am still in awe of my new BlackBerry and even do find myself saying "Cool!!" when I figure something new out!!

So I guess that is the point of this entry. To remind ourselves that this world is full of wonder. Even those every day people, items and places can help us experience the world again for the first time. I know Alex helped me do that every day. I also know that the beauty of my boy will never fade for me and Steve. And that is just one of our blessings.

Love and God bless,
G