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Well, life is interesting with its peaks and valleys. Steve's father passed away Friday. His mom called the house last night and told me. I told Steve when he got home a few minutes later. I hope I never have to deliver that type of news ever again. The death is completely unexpected and everyone is in shock right now.
Our concern right now is for Steve's mom. Steve's parents left their home of over twenty years (give or take a few) to be with Steve's aunt who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over a year ago. If you recall, Steve's aunt passed around Christmas and now his mom has no family left except for her children and grandchildren. Steve is flying out now and should be with her tonight. The kids and I are leaving tomorrow.
Our intent is to help her with all of the logistics and planning. To comfort and ease her grief as much as possible, to distract her from her pain with the bright, shiny faces of her youngest grandchildren including her only granddaughter. I don't know where she will decide to go or do, but we would love to have her in our home. Her daughter lives in San Francisco and since that is where she grew up and the number one city in the country she may decide to live there. She also has twin grandsons there as well as her daughter and son-in-law. No matter what, we will support her in every way. We just want her to be comfortable and at peace.
I can't wait to get there to give her a big hug and just hold her. I can't imagine what the last 28 hours have been like. Steve tells me it was their 44th wedding anniversary yesterday as well.
So here we go. Wish us well.
God bless.
G
Hi everyone! Well we have a new Kasnoff in the household. Her name is Roxie and she is 10 weeks old and weighs about 10 pounds. I had to let my dreams of Sheba go. Roxie is half boxer, quarter lab, and quarter bloodhound. She is a cutie too and very sweet.
Monday we headed North about an hour or so out of town to see Monica, a 13 month old boxer. She was very nice and a beautiful dog but both of the kids were scared to death of her. Steve and I decided she was not the one. On the way back we stopped in another town to check out some lab puppies. Well, the lab puppies were cute but a mix with an Australian Sheperd and we just don't have the room for any sheperd types around here. But it was at this stop that we saw Roxie and her sister. We really liked them and decided to go have dinner and think it over. Well we decided she was a go, and we picked her up and headed home.
Needless to say, Roxie is not housetrained yet. And Steve and I are not puppy trained either. We came inside and put Roxie down and started putting the kids to bed. Well, Roxie was quite nervous and it showed! Let's just leave it at that. Luckily we have all become quickly acquainted with one another and I am happy to report Roxie is doing much better as long as we pay attention to her!
Alex and Zoe are still getting used to having a puppy around. Rox knocks Zoe down and Zoe does not care for this much! Alex thinks Roxie is going to bite him when she sniffs and plays. He does not like it when she jumps up on him and gets his balance off kilter. Yesterday, the kids and I took Rox on her first walk around the block. Rox did not like the cars and would just stop every time a car came by us. Today's walk will be on a less traveled street.
I am so happy to have this puppy. I know walking her everyday (deal made with Alex prior to rescue) will be good for all of us. There are days when the only sun that hits my face is while I am driving! That is just not right!
Well, Alex had his last chemo until February 8th today. He did very well and we are looking forward to the break. Zoe and I spent some time in a bookstore yesterday spending some gift cards we received over the holidays, so I am hoping to get some reading in soon. The only negative that happened since the last post was that Zoe's playmate on Wednesday's and Friday's has changed his school schedule and he won't be able to come over any more or see Zoe on Friday's at his home. I am so bummed about this. I called the school yesterday to find out if they had saved Zoe a spot for the fall semester and found out that they had not and were completely full. I am going to tour another school tomorrow morning with Zoe, but they too are full and our chances of getting in are slim. If anyone knows of a family that wants to baby swap on weekday mornings please let me know. Zoe needs to be around kids her own age and I feel she is being slighted because she is not in school/daycare right now. This is hard for me as her mom and I am racking my brain to figure out a way to resolve this situation. Suggestions are always welcome!
Well, I better go. Alex is up and we are waiting on Zoe to rise from her nap to go on our walk! Hope your day is a good one!
God Bless,
G
Hi everyone, after much ado, Steve has agreed to get a DOG!!! I put an appliacation in for Sheba this morning and can't wait to hear back!! I think what got Steve off the fence besides my excellent skills of persuasion was Alex asking Steve "Daddy, can we get a dog today?". Steve just looked at me but I had not said a word about it and then went downstairs. When he came back upstairs, he stated "we can get a dog"!! I am so psyched. I hope this all works out well for everyone.
BTW, today is an anniversary, of sorts, for us. Seven years ago today, Steve answered my email from match.com. Yes that is how we met. I had lived in my first home in OKC for one year and thrown out all of my boxes for my clocks, china, etc. because I was never going to move again. I was not interested in going out (been there, done that) and found myself hanging out with a small group of friends, mostly couples. Anyway, there was a front page article in the OKC Gazette (similar to our Westword) about internet dating and they stated that match.com was the best; so I signed up for a 14 day free trial.
Well since I don't believe in long distance relationships, I put in a 10 mile radius of my home. Well, being 30ish, single, never been married, childless, and resembling a sore thumb; the only matches I got within 10 miles were for married men! Yes, married men openly sign up for these sites! I was appalled, so I put in 500 miles thinking that will get me to Colorado (my family's favorite vacation destination). With that expanded search, I got 500 matches and started going through the men with pictures. I found Steve's profile and his picture with him holding a baby (his nephew). I wrote to him asking if he debated between using a baby or a puppy for his photo and I guess I made him laugh. Long story, longer, he wrote back the next day (Jan. 14, 2000) and I moved from OKC three and a half months later to be with him. One year later, he proposed and we were married 8 months after that. Four months after that, we bought this home and nearly eleven months later, Alex was born! I never believed in "love at first sight" or "fairy tale stories" or being swept off my feet, but after meeting Steve I just had to shut up. He charmed the socks off of me and I am so happy that he is my husband today.
Okay, enough mushy stuff. Wish us luck with Sheba. She is still listed on the Pet Pals website and all of our fingers are crossed!
Stay warm and God bless.
G
Hi Everyone. Well it is COLD!! My sister has an inch of ice on her streets but we did not get ice (so far) just very cold, cold weather. The sun is shining and it is very deceptive. We went out last night for dinner and Alex was pretty miserable in the cold on the way back to the car. I did not send him to school Friday just because I knew the cold would affect him severely. If you recall, every one of his five senses (except smell) has been affected by this brainstem tumor. He is quite sensitive to touch and temperature. We are working around this, but I am getting a bit of cabin fever and really want to get out of the house.
I think Zoe must have drank some bad milk last night at dinner. She was sick throughout the night but seems just fine now and never had a fever. Poor baby. She is resting again now and on her third set of bedsheets. So far everything she has eaten has stayed down. Let's pray for her wellness!
Well chemo went well and as planned on Thursday. Alex does not have to make up the missed chemo session from last week so that is a huge bonus! He is starting to get used to the process but still exhibits alot of anxiety over that darn butterfly bite into his mediport.
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments. It is nice to read them over and over again. Scott, please contact us so I can tell you the dates of the Disney trip. If you don't know how just leave your email in a comment and I'll get in touch. My sister's family is trying to get to Orlando with us and so is my sister-in-law's. I can't wait. All of the feedback says this is a wonderful vacation for everyone.
Well, I still want a puppy/dog but Steve has put his foot down. I just wish this urge would go away. I think about Sheba everyday and as of Friday she was still up for rescue. Well, I believe what my grandmother used to say. "You are exactly where you need to be". So I'll just work on accepting and loving life as it is now.
I hope everyone out there is warm and comfy. I sent Steve out snowshoeing with our friend, Nadine. He really needs to get some mountain air and recreation. He works so hard and I worry about his health. He really looked puny this week and I am happy he is out right now.
God bless and take care!
Love, G.
Good Morning. Well TGIM? The winter break ends and school starts tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this. I will miss having Alex home all day, but I know Zoe and I need that time for just us. I am pretty sure it will be good for everyone to get back into a routine.
I just wanted to note something that happened yesterday. Well, for the first time since the brain biopsy, Alex walked across the house without his super boot or shoes on. He did not use any supports such as walls or tables. He was carrying a beach ball from the play room to the living room and just walked. I rejoiced! Steve was so proud too! I know it is such a small thing, but it is huge in this house. It means Alex is getting his confidence, strength and stability back. It means he is going through all of this for a reason and that it is WORKING!! I cried just a bit. I felt my heart open and grow with faith and hope for the future. It was a brief glimpse but one I will cherish forever.
I know this all sounds very corny and everyone out there with healthy kids running around, jumping on the beds, and absolutely driving you crazy probably can't appreciate. But if you can, for just today, try to rejoice in the jumping, running and even ability to walk across the house of your little one(s). It is a precious gift that not every child has.
God bless.
G
First of all I want to thank everyone who has posted a comment lately. I was beginning to feel like I was doing this all for naught. Anyway, your comments help me and Steve so much. It is like opening a beautiful gift when I see a comment in my "In" box. So please know, especially since I can not respond to the comments individually (unless I have your email address), that I/we are very appreciative of every kind word.
So we got yet another snow storm last night and throughout today. That makes three in as many weeks. I know a lot of people are sick of the snow, but I am reveling in it. I love the snow when it falls, when it glistens in the moonlight and when it crunches under my feet. My only wish is that Alex could enjoy the snow. He is so sensitive to the cold and unsteady on his feet anyway that he won't even go outside unless it is absolutely necessary and then only very reluctantly. I have talked to him and shown him the snow as it falls. He likes to look at it and loves to see the snow covered mountains but we all will just have to wait to build that snowman together.Zoe on the other hand will walk out in the snow barefoot. She absolutely has no fear and loves to experience different textures under her feet.
Today, I had a very hard time waking up, my body felt like it was filled with lead and my stomach was very queasy. I got Zoe to her play date and made it into the office by 8:30 AM. I had to take one of Alex's Zofrans to help with my nausea though. At work I learned that one of my coworkers grandson has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and was scheduled for surgery today. I knew he was going in for the MRI last week and spoke to his mother that morning, but had not heard back from her, even after leaving a message. So my worst fears were confirmed today. My heart sank when told the news and my stomach felt even more upset. This just should not happen to children. How is that I know three children with brain tumors? What is going on? When will it stop?
I have not called my coworker or the mother yet. I want to give them space and time to cope with the "new normal". They both know that I am here and available if needed so I won't be calling to put them through the telling of the tale again. I know it is just so hard every single time.
So I picked up Zoe and came home to Steve and Alex. I immediately laid down and covered up with a blanket on the couch. I did not get up off the couch until I had finished most of Steve's special hot toddy late this afternoon. After that, I had some energy and it finally got the chill out of my bones. We had homemade soup for dinner and I can't drink enough water. I feel better but the absolutely best part of my day has been sharing in Zoe's great mood. She has been so so very happy today. She is talking alot (no, I can't understand everything), screeching with joy and walking around with such determination in her step. She and Alex were watching a DVD and she was sitting there laughing, throwing her head back, slapping her knee then laughing some more. She has been like that all day. Just as sweet and cute and fun as any child could be. I have no idea what has made today different but I did notice that she and Alex really were loving having Mom and Dad around during the holiday break. They both seemed so much more content and joyful (of course all of the gifts, had nothing to do with that). Anyway, it is hard to stay miserable when that joyous energy is in your house. I feel much better now.
My sister's family is coming down the mountain tomorrow to spend the night with us before heading home. We can't wait to have them here. Alex is very excited to have his cousin here. They interact so well together now. Stephanie and I are going to have pedicures tomorrow downtown to continue a sisterly tradition we have. I'm sure we will stop in some swanky place and have a glass of champagne too (gotta love those traditions)! We don't have plans for tomorrow night and that is fine with me. I would be content just hanging out here at the house. There really is nothing I like more than to entertain friends and family and share our home, food and wine.
Okay, well Alex wanted to go to bed ten minutes ago, so I better get. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Kiss and hug a loved one for me and get a hug and kiss for yourself!
God bless.
G
Well, we went to the hospital today for chemo but did not get it. Alex's blood/ox levels were low again and he has a bad cough. So they did a chest X-ray and it showed that the lower wedge of his right lung is collapsed. He is coughing so much in an attempt to reopen it. So they gave Alex a deep breathing exerciser and sent us home.
Last night was a very difficult one for Alex. He would wake up choking (as usual), then cough violently then get these horrible intense hiccups (caused by tumor on the brainstem). So I am hopeful that we can get him some relief soon.
He asked why he had to blow into the machine. "To get no chemo?" I told him no, that he has to use the machine to help his sick lung get more air and to make his coughs better. Otherwise he would have to go stay in the hospital. I think that motivated him since he asked for the machine and practiced on it for about 7 minutes in the car.
On another topic, I had a dream that we had decided to get Alex a dog. Currently we have Steve's SuperElderly Sage who is 144 people years old! And my dowry cat, Mena who is 8 years old. Steve had said that when Sage passes he would want to get a dog. Ever since I had this dream, it has stuck with me and I keep weighing the pros and cons. Good for Alex, family, activity, companionship, good for dog since we would get a rescue dog; but bad for more responsibility, more money and poor Sage probably could not handle it! So we'll see. Right now I have my eyes on a 8 month old boxer mix in Wyoming named Sheba!! I'll try to attach her picture. I'm sure Steve will love that!!!
Okay, well the plan is for Alex to do his deep breathing three times daily until next week and call Oncology if he gets a fever or something else occurs. So just another bump in the road. Hardly felt this one! =0)
God bless! G
Good Morning. Well we all survived 2006! Some people say to us "well the new year can't be any worse than last year". Through my life I have learned to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER think it can't get any worse. And I feel cursed when I hear this comment. So please if you see me, don't tell me it can't get any worse. I would rather reflect on how life is a constant learning experience and each year brings growth and wisdom, even if you don't want to grow or be wiser!
The real reason for this post is to tell everyone that we just returned from Alex's 3rd MRI. Dr. Nick (Pediatric Oncologist) says the tumor has shrunk slightly and that is okay. He explained that the slow process of shrinking has begun and will continue even after chemo treatments end.
Personally, I am just focusing on how much stronger and louder and better Alex has become. His soft voice is gone and he can now yell as loud as any kid (that's good and bad). He has been riding his new Superman bike around the dining room every day (without his feet being strapped to the pedals for control) and at times we see Alex just being a typical four year old boy. That is the best part - the normal, previously unappreciated little things that make my heart sing.
Luckily Steve was able to come to the MRI this morning. Alex got a lot of security from his dad being there with him. Zoe fell asleep in the car on the way home and would not be left alone in the creative play center this morning. We all had a very early morning and I am sure naps are in our future!
Alex is eating his waffles now and watching his shows. We took him to Macaroni Grill last night so he could have the fettucini alfredo with lots of grated cheese! He ate and ate and ate. When we got home he told us his tummy hurt from eating too much noodles, cheese and milk. We told him that perhaps next time he should listen to his body and stop eating when he feels full. He agreed wholeheartedly.
Alex had to get the dreaded "butterfly bite" this morning. He debated all morning until the anethesia kicked in whether to leave it in or have it taken out. He finally decided to have it taken out and just get another one tomorrow morning for chemo. I thought that was such a big boy choice!
On a very sad note, Steve's aunt died last week from pancreatic cancer. While the death was not unexpected it was heartbreaking. Susan lived a full life but never got to meet our dear Zoe before her diagnosis. My prayers go out to my mother and father-in-law and Steve for closure and peace.
Well, my sister's family made it to Colorado Monday evening FINALLY!! They stayed one night then left for the mountains yesterday morning. Alex and Zoe just loved having cousin Evan here to play with them. We were all sad to see them leave but they will return and stay Saturday night then depart on Sunday (unless another blizzard should occur!!) They missed out on four days of their ski vacation due to the last two blizzards making the interstates from Oklahoma to Colorado impassable. These storms seem to be more than just a mild inconvenience for some and I pray that everyone with starving cattle and without power get some relief soon.
Okay, that's the update. I updated the blog to a new version of blogger. It says you can post a comment by hitting the " 0 comments" link at the end of each blog. I can't wait to hear from you all.
Have a great day! God bless.
G
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