Monday, February 20th

Good Morning. Well congratulate us, we FINALLY took down and put away all of the Christmas holiday decorations!!! Yes, I know it is after Valentine's Day but you all know how crazy life has been around here. The house feels so blah now. Can I just put the lights back up? =0)

Besides that triumph, and a victory over auto repair scams (long story, don't ask) life has been fairly boring. I got a great cut and color last Friday and I feel quite "sassy" as Steve puts it. My friend looks great and today is her debut at work. I pray that her coworkers love the cut and color as much as I do. She looks FABULOUS!

Alex is feeling better. Friday was a hard day for him but he is pretty much back to normal (whatever that means). Zoe has been taking lots of naps around here and we think she is growing. Alex and I went to the store to get Roxie more toys and so far she seems to love them. Her favorite is the moose we got her with long legs that she bites and shakes vigorously. She loves going on her walks and it has been a godsend to us to be forced to get outside and enjoy some fresh air.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I leave Thursday on my company's annual retreat. We are going back to Santa Fe this year. I'm glad to go but will miss everyone horribly. We tried to find someone to watch the kids but upon second thought, that did not seem like such a good idea right now. I don't think Alex could handle being "left" with someone for a long weekend. So Steve is staying with the kids. Since he has a free ticket to fly in the U.S., I made him promise me that he would go away for a long weekend as well.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
God bless.
G

Wednesday, February 14th

Happy Valentine's Day! Thank you all for your lovely comments. I did not even realize I was being hard on myself. I know I hold myself up to a higher standard than anyone else (emotional baggage from childhood) but often I don't realize how pervasive those messages are to my subconscious. So thank you all for seeing what I could not.

So I need some help and decided to ask for it this time instead of fret and worry. For the first time in my life I have a professional hair color/cut appointment. (see short style in picture) I usually color my own hair but my sister's sister-in-law called me up and asked if I could get her a cut/color appointment with my stylist. This is a big step for her because as long as I have known her, her haircut has been the exact same and I have always wanted to do a beauty makeover on this beautiful woman. So I decided to join her and I am pretty excited about it too. But, I need childcare for Alex and Zoe Friday afternoon at 1:40 ish til I don't know when, maybe after dinner. If you know a great babysitter or would like to help out please let me know.

I also have some good news to share!! Denver Options has awarded us $1,500 for respite, medical and other services. So we can now afford to pay for babysitting and go on dates or something like that. So I am more than willing to pay for Friday's childcare. Also, I found a daycare center in Arvada that can take Zoe on Friday mornings while I work. The cost is reasonable and the place is fine. It is not somewhere I would have Zoe on a fulltime basis but for one half day a week it will do. I am on a wait list for a neighborhood childcare facility that is close and has a good reputation. Also, I got a call from the kids' former school and the director has told me that she will find a place for Zoe in September and that the kids can attend summer camp there as well! Wow, this is such a surprise and just great news for the kids. I hope we can swing the summer school tuition and I should be back at work by the beginning of the fall semester. Alex misses his friends so much and has said that he wants to go back to his old school on occasion.

Also, Alex is feeling much better! We went to his doctor appointment on Monday and he was definitely back to his old, smiling, gregarious self! His appetite has returned and when I asked him if he wanted noodles (his usual) for dinner last night he said, "Nope! Tonight I want something different. I want PIZZA!" Well, I am sure most parents are not as thrilled to hear their kids request pizza but sense this shows a new direction for Alex and his tastebuds, we were truly excited and amused. Needless to say, we ordered pizza for the boy! As I review the weekend, I think Alex suffered from a combination of things: overexhaustion, pollution (if you lived here you would know what I mean) , change in altitude, jet lag, and getting reaquainted with being home after a long time away.

So I have decided to focus on the good stuff and really try to practice some gratitude more often. I am also praying that the events of the past few days showing a turnaround for us!

So in closing, I wanted to share with everyone the sentiment I included on our Valentine's Day cards.

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for." Allan K. Chalmers

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays because it is the celebration of LOVE! I hope you all find happiness and joy today and everyday. I will try my best to do so as well.

God bless.
G

Monday, February 12th

Hi. I feel horrible for the last post. All I can attribute it to is pure exhaustion. Unfortunately we did not get much rest over the weekend. Alex has had a very difficult weekend. He is only eating his breakfast and basically is not enjoying much. We even had dinner with our dear neighbors and Alex's best friend Saturday and all he could do was lay on the couch. He would not play or engage in conversation. His rest is intermittent at best due to the choking and fright that he wakes up to. Yesterday he fell asleep on the couch for several hours. His doctor wants to see him this afternoon and another MRI may be scheduled soon.


Please forgive me my rudeness and abrasiveness. I did not make it to church yesterday instead I did an advanced step workout and I did feel better and even spoke to God during it! =0)


Well, I just wanted to apologize to everyone. As I was researching love quotes for my annual Valentine's Day cards I found this and wanted to share it. It seems so relevant right now.


"You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else." Hermann Hesse

God Bless and Happy Valentine's Day!

G

Saturday, February 10th

Okay, I am officially DONE! Steve graciously let me sleep in this morning til 9AM at which time I awoke to Alex's screams of pain. I got up, called the hospital and was told to take him to ER. At the ER we were told that the ear pain is "referred pain" caused by the brainstem tumor and luckily the Tylenol we gave him helped significantly. It seems that referred pain in the ear, chest, and neck are common with a nervous system tumor. But, here's the catch, two docs heard a heart murmur and Alex had to have an EKG and chest X-ray to see if the chemo has damaged (reduced size) of his heart. All is okay and the murmur is most likely caused by a decrease in his hemoglobin due to Thursday's chemo.

That's it. I'm exhausted.

God bless or not.
G

Friday, February 9th

Good morning. Well it has been a long time since the last blog but after you read this you will understand. The visit to None's was a good one. She lives in a very wooded area of Washington and it was lovely. It was nice to have some down time to just relax and visit even though the circumstances were abominable. Steve decided to drive a truck he had sold to his dad five years ago and pull a trailer full of stuff home. He left last Thursday afternoon and spent the evening with his dear friend and our best man, Mark in Idaho. That evening after putting the kids to bed in the master bedroom, I heard someone shaking a bottle. When I went in the room, Zoe was sitting in a sea of Tylenol PM caplets. Some of the pills were wet and had obviously been in her mouth. Well I called Poison Control and was told to get her to an ER. This was 7:45 PM. So we got the kids up and off we headed to the hospital. On the way out of town, I asked Linda "How far is the hospital?" She replied that it was 45 minutes to an hour away. At that time, I really started freaking out because Zoe (who had not napped all day) was falling asleep in the car seat. I had Linda call 911 and we pulled over and waited. A fire truck pulled up and the man in charge looked at Zoe and said that she looked good but to continue to take her to the ER to get her "levels checked". So we continued on.

Once we arrived, Zoe and I went inside and Linda stayed with Alex in the car. Well 3.5 hours and a traumatizing blood draw from the arm later, Zoe's Tylenol levels were negative and she was released. I was so grateful. It seems that the "PM" component of the medicine can not be traced in the blood stream but the "Tylenol" component can. So parents be sure to check grandparent's medicine cabinets or drawers in this case when you visit. Lesson learned here!

Well, I spoke to Steve that night and did not hear from him on Friday. I told myself that it was due to the fact that he was "out of range" on his cellular phone. After Saturday morning had passed, I started to get worried. He finally called me Saturday afternoon. Are you ready for this? Well, Friday night Steve was driving through Wyoming and had to stop at a Super 8 due to blizzard conditions. He got up Saturday and headed for home. The weather was still very bad and his windshield wipers iced over. As he was cleaning the wipers in three degree blizzard conditions, our new puppy, Roxie locked the truck. Having no other recourse, Steve broke the window. So off he headed. That's not the end of this tale! Steve was then pulled over by a police officer who thought the truck was stolen due to the broken window. Luckily, Steve had all the proper paperwork.

Hold on there's more! Then at about 2:15 PM, just outside of Cheyenne and an hour and a half from home (of a 23 hour journey) Steve decided to move into the right lane. He hit some black ice and started sliding. He corrected the truck but the weight of the trailer sent the truck and trailer rolling. YES! STEVE ROLLED THE TRUCK! Steve survived with minor scratches and even had the wherewithall to grab Roxie in midroll so she is fine as well. The truck is totaled but the trailer survived thanks to Mike's incredible assembly and design. Steve finally called me from the tow truck driver's mobile phone. I was so happy to hear his voice but was pretty upset by the news of the accident. Steve got home thanks to our dear friends, Nadine and Tall Steve. They drove from Denver on a moment's notice to bring him and Roxie home.

Ok, so now it is Monday. Steve returns to work. His coworkers at McKesson pitched in and brought groceries to the house. Deb, a co-PM, with Steve did the shopping at Whole Foods and boy did she get some yummy food. When I got home I was completely overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness.

So the kids and I left Washington Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM. We drove for 2.5 hours into Portland Airport. Then flew into Phoenix. Had an hour lay over, ate lunch and boarded a plane home. Zoe had her own seat to Phoenix but had to sit in my lap home. She did not nap and was a tad cranky on the last leg home. It was so good to get home but I was completely disoriented for a while. I had to remember how to work the stove and drive the car!

So I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what is going on with this series of unfortunate events. Is there a black cloud over this family? Are we jinxed?
Doomed to a hard life? Being punished? All I can come up with is that we need to get to church! The lesson I have learned is that gratitude needs to be a part of our daily lives. That we need to stop getting caught up in the day-to-day, small stuff and appreciate the many gifts in our lives such as our friends. As I wrote this blog I realized that we have such a wonderful group of friends. That we are blessed that we only lost a truck in this ordeal. That death is a part of life and what makes it o precious. My heart is full right now. Thank you for helping me get to this point.

Each one of you is dear to us. Thank you and God bless.
G