Hi all,
So the last week has been an interesting one. On Thursday, I participated in a panel discussion, "End of Life Nursing Eduction Course: Pediatric Palliative Care ELNEC-PPC" at The Children's Hospital. I was crying during the introductions. There were four children represented at this panel discussion with about 20 nurses in attendance. Two of the presenters, worked in Oncology at TCH. One was a nurse and the other was an administrative type (not really sure). The Oncology nurse / parent, chose this line of work after losing her 18 year old daughter to cancer. I thought that was too cool! Anyway, the panel discussion ended with this question posed to all panelist, "What did your child teach you?"
I had to think about this and if I had had time, would probably had a different response, but I said, "Alex taught me so many lessons, too many to list here, but one of the important ones is to appreciate the minutia in our lives; the simple, overlooked joys that exist in every moment."
BTW, I would like to hear your answer to this question as well. Please share!
So when I got home, I was ready for some wine! About half an hour later, Steve and I ended up in the back yard with our neighbor, Kevin. If you attended Alex's service, then you may remember Kevin. He talked about how Alex and God had their own calendar and that Alex did something every one of us from great politicians to you and me wish we could do, made an impression on everyone he met (and some he never met!).
Anyway, so we are outside enjoying a wonderfully beautiful fall sunset and I posed the question to Steve and Kevin. Kevin said, "Alex proved to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there really is Spirit, something more than the physical reality." Steve agreed and posed this question, "Was Alex's spirit so bright, because he knew he only had a short amount of time to shine?" I disagreed with this. Personally, I think Alex's beautiful spirit would have continued (and does continue) to be as bright as ever. I even said that all children are born with this bright spirit and it is the soul's interaction and reaction to life - parenting, social mores, education, experiences, and life lessons- that either keeps that brightness alive or diminishes it over time. I think Steve and I disagree on this point. Anyway it was a great conversation to have and I wanted to share it with you.
So I also want to record/share a conversation Zoe and I had last night.
Z-"Mommy, where's Alex? He is supposed to be here, coloring with me."
G-"I know Zoe, that would be wonderful. But he does not have a body."
Z-"Alex is in the rainbows, and the mountains and the sunshine and the rain."
G-"Yes you are right."
Z-"But I want Alex here. I miss him so much. I just want my brother."
G-"I know baby, I want Alex here too. It is very sad that Alex is not here to paint with you right now."
Z-"Alex loves me very much. I love him too."
G-"Yes, Zoe, Alex is your angel brother and he loves you very much."
I have posted a pic of Zoe's new do!! Isn't she just adorable?!! We got her hair cut Friday because she won't let me brush it and it is torture for me to get tangles out and listen to her scream bloody murder. So this is our compromise!
Okay, so that is it. We are anxiously awaiting Nonni's arrival on the 22nd! We've got a ton of prep work before she gets here, so don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while!
Have a wonderful day!
G
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2 comments:
First of all, I LOVE ZOE'S NEW HAIR-DO! (Okay, I'll stop yelling now...)
I am always moved by what you write...and since I haven't read your blogs since Sept., I had much to catch up on!
You asked what we have learned from Alex....
Hmmm... I would say, that the human spirit can handle more than we ever think we can, and that pain can be the greatest teacher. I learned that grace goes beyond our self and is attainable to those who are open to it, that the question "why" is really quite ironic...because the why is it's own answer, that it is possible and necessary to laugh even when you aren't feeling so well...
Bottom line is, your little boy is a vessel of many lessons for me, because knowing him has brought many situations to be around people I would not have otherwise been exposed to and frankly opened the lines for me to get to know you more deeply. I was blessed by the opportunity to watch him that summer and see the strength he possessed...with out his even knowing he had it. That is beautiful and a challenge!
Oh, and I agree with you...I think everyone is born with a bright spirit!
There is a book I once read, and for some reason it is coming to mind, "Hinds Feet on High Places." It is allegorical and likely a bit religious ( I read it in High School), but the main character is named, Much-Afraid... She goes on a journey with Sorrow and Suffering as her companions...She makes little altars along the way with each lesson she learns...I have to admit that I never finished it (never had the time) but, I recall it as being pretty good...Maybe I need to dig it out.
I think I am writing my own blog here, so I better go (besides it's 11p.m. on a Monday night!)
Love you!
Heather
Gwen,
I want to tell you what Zoe is teaching me...that the purest of hearts knows how to remember the best things about big brothers. Her conversations with you move me so much and I can't help but want that innocense. What a blessing she must be to your life.
Praying for you guys still...
Sara
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