December 3, 2008 - 1 day to 1st Deathday

Morning, I apologize for not writing. So much is going on these days. We decided to keep Zoe home instead of sending her to school for a while. After much deliberation, it was the best decision for Zoe and our family. We will miss all of our friends at the school but I hope to keep in touch. Zoe seems to love being home. She just had a house full over the Thanksgiving holiday. Steve's sister and her family came in and stayed for almost a week. The boys, though 9.5 years old, really took to Zoe (again) and they had a great time. Zoe is working on become a great artiste! She loves to paint and does it with such deliberation and intensity. The works are actually very interesting and quite colorful. I'll try to post some later. So tomorrow is the 1st deathday. I received an email yesterday and the author said that it must be hard since his birthday is approaching (just a mistype, I'm sure). But that got me thinking, tomorrow is like a birthday, but not. So I have called it a deathday. Steve may prefer passingday, but it is what it is no matter what you call it. My body has become very ill and I have a mild flu thing going on (thank God for flu shots). I think it is quite appropriate that I am physically ill at a time when I am invited to be mentally devastated. This past year has been a blur. I really do not want to remember the events of one year ago tomorrow, but they keep creeping into my conscious. So I have started a mantra, it is a meditation taught in the Kabbalah class. It is Dlayt Atar Pauni Meenay (pronounced d-late, a-tar, panooee, manet (like Monet, but the "a" sound). It means "there is no place empty of you" or "God is everywhere". It has really helped for some reason. I love saying these words softly, they follow your breath and just come naturally to my being. Feel free to try it! Tomorrow, I hope to sit with an "Angel's Influence" candle given to me by dear friends that practice meditation and repeat these words. Alex has been making himself very present lately. He loves to play with the light in our bedroom that is a "stained glass" bulb and usually kept on most of the time. It also shines on a collage of pictures made for his Memorial service last year. He turns it on and off whenever I pass and I love to feel his presence. I think it is his way of telling me, I am here, I am Light, I will always fill your world! Okay, that was deep. I hope you feel Alex's light in your life. He was so precious and a such a gift to this reality. God bless! G