Monday, April 27 2009 - Oh the Internet

Hi all,

I am trying to navigate my way into a new career here. I am working very hard to start writing and somehow get paid for it. They say you should do what you love and as you can tell, I do enjoy sharing with you. My new venture will be up and running soon, so stay tuned!

I have to say getting away was good. First we visited my family for Easter. That was very nice and a good time was had by all. Zoe got a new kitten. I thought the name was Lucy, but have since learned that it is Loosy Goosy. So be sure you get that right! She is a sweet, low maintenance kitten and we love her very much.

After the trip home, I flew to St. Louis to attend a wedding. While there I saw some dear, long-time ( hate to use the word "old") friends and made some new ones too. It was so great to be out and about and social. I realized Saturday night how pathetic and lonely my new life is when the best thing I could think of to do was the mass of towels and linen laundry at our local laundromat. We have a washer and dryer. I just wanted to get it all done within hours instead of days. Now that is sad! I have to make an effort to get out more!

Okay, back to it. Hope your day is a good one and that you enjoy it even it is not.

G

Yesterday, we all set up the layout for Alex's tribute garden. This has been years in the making and I know it will get planted this year. I have some pics for you too.

Please send your prayers . . .

Click here to see the clip from the evening news about two baby girls and the agonizing ordeal this twist of fate has created in so many lives.

Please send your prayers to these little ladies and their families, doctors, and communities.

God bless,

G

Tuesday, April 7, 2009 - Tuesdsy, Aoril 7, 2009

Good Morning,

Well an emotional breakdown (I cried long and hard Thursday) has been followed by a physical one. Since Sunday, I have been ill with a stomach flu. I woke on Sunday at 5:30 a.m. to get on the road, but I-70 was closed due to poor driving conditions. Soon thereafter the illness made itself known and I was not going anywhere. Yesterday morning was not much better, so I cancelled the first portion of our trip and plan to leave tomorrow morning.

I want to thank everyone for the kind and supportive words and even the not so kind and not so supportive ones as well. I feel compelled to explain my "intent" when I posted the last entry. I thought long and hard about whether to put such personal and private information on the world wide web. If you have followed this blog for any time, you know I am brutally honest about my life. I really don't know the value of "softening the blow" for the general public. My intent was only to share the experiences of my life over the last few weeks. I was completely OVERWHELMED and needed a release. Writing this blog is one of my means of release and reading the comments is another. I was not trying to solicit sympathy at all. Support, yes! Sympathy, NO! Nor was I trying to "blame" anyone for anything. As we all know, a marriage is made of two persons.

I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed of my posts. Honesty is necessary when seeking change and that is where I am at now. I am in uncharted territory right now and as many Americans, am very uncertain about my future. As we all know, it is only by circumstance, and the Grace of God, that we are not that homeless person on the corner that we can't look in the eyes. I consider myself a strong person, who has had a life full of experience, good and bad. When Alex was dying, we were supported by friends, family and AFLAC. I still have friends and family, but I often feel like a burden on my friends and family with all of this intensity. More than one has written to me to "move on/get it over with". That type of advice is neither helpful nor supportive. It only reinforces to me that they are sick of hearing about me and the issues in my life. So that is another reason, I seek out you, the anonymous-yet-supportive, circle of friends I have here. I also want to thank Karen E., for her understanding, diplomacy and support. Thank you, Karen!

I also need to make a correction. I have lost 14 pounds, not 27. When I weighed at home after a shower, my scale showed a 17 lb loss (I hit a 2 instead of a 1, on that last post). At the gym, the scale weighed me a pound more than the home scale and 2 more pounds were added by my shoes. So 14 pounds are gone but many more are to come!

I hope each and every one of you have a pleasant holiday. God Bless.

G

A Note from Steve

My dear friends,

This is only the 2nd time I've chosen to comment on Gwen's blog but know that over the years I derived much comfort, solace and even words of wisdom from your thoughts and words. Truly Alex's death drew together a strong community of caring souls. I thank you for that.

Now that Gwen and I are in the middle of something common to 75% of all marriages having experienced a child's death due to brain tumor, I hope that your words of encouragement for Gwen her on this blog continue. It is and should remain a source of strength. But please remember that the words written on this blog represent at the most half of an amazing complex and tragic story; not all. Those of you who know the story or truly know me that the events unfolding now do not result from caprice or whimsy or even vanity. I am now morning the loss of my son. There are a few out there who can relate but for the rest, before making comment I want you to put yourself in my shoes.

I want to thank the commenter above for offering comment and advice on a subject of obvious concern and passion. I only wish that they had not used the blanket of anonymity in making such strong statements. Those who truly know and love me understand that I am always willing to hear criticisms and opposing views. Those who truly know and love me, especially a friend, would know not to be afraid to talk to me directly, rather than through the open medium of the blogsphere.


Please, I ask you to use this space in support of my wife, the positives that have built up over the years should not become poisoned by the vitriol of misplaced virtue. If you have something to say to me, say it directly, not here.

Kindest and warmest regards,

Steve