Tuesday, April 7, 2009 - Tuesdsy, Aoril 7, 2009

Good Morning,

Well an emotional breakdown (I cried long and hard Thursday) has been followed by a physical one. Since Sunday, I have been ill with a stomach flu. I woke on Sunday at 5:30 a.m. to get on the road, but I-70 was closed due to poor driving conditions. Soon thereafter the illness made itself known and I was not going anywhere. Yesterday morning was not much better, so I cancelled the first portion of our trip and plan to leave tomorrow morning.

I want to thank everyone for the kind and supportive words and even the not so kind and not so supportive ones as well. I feel compelled to explain my "intent" when I posted the last entry. I thought long and hard about whether to put such personal and private information on the world wide web. If you have followed this blog for any time, you know I am brutally honest about my life. I really don't know the value of "softening the blow" for the general public. My intent was only to share the experiences of my life over the last few weeks. I was completely OVERWHELMED and needed a release. Writing this blog is one of my means of release and reading the comments is another. I was not trying to solicit sympathy at all. Support, yes! Sympathy, NO! Nor was I trying to "blame" anyone for anything. As we all know, a marriage is made of two persons.

I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed of my posts. Honesty is necessary when seeking change and that is where I am at now. I am in uncharted territory right now and as many Americans, am very uncertain about my future. As we all know, it is only by circumstance, and the Grace of God, that we are not that homeless person on the corner that we can't look in the eyes. I consider myself a strong person, who has had a life full of experience, good and bad. When Alex was dying, we were supported by friends, family and AFLAC. I still have friends and family, but I often feel like a burden on my friends and family with all of this intensity. More than one has written to me to "move on/get it over with". That type of advice is neither helpful nor supportive. It only reinforces to me that they are sick of hearing about me and the issues in my life. So that is another reason, I seek out you, the anonymous-yet-supportive, circle of friends I have here. I also want to thank Karen E., for her understanding, diplomacy and support. Thank you, Karen!

I also need to make a correction. I have lost 14 pounds, not 27. When I weighed at home after a shower, my scale showed a 17 lb loss (I hit a 2 instead of a 1, on that last post). At the gym, the scale weighed me a pound more than the home scale and 2 more pounds were added by my shoes. So 14 pounds are gone but many more are to come!

I hope each and every one of you have a pleasant holiday. God Bless.

G