Well it is 7 AM Saturday morning and I reallly wanted to sleep in but Zoe woke up cold, so I brought her to our bed. My head started going and now I'm up. It is a very sweet sight to see Steve, Alex and Zoe all in the bed. I feel truly blessed.
Chemo went well Thursday. It was our tenth infusion so Alex gets a two week break (of sorts). On the way out of the Infusion Room, he told three strangers "I don't have chemo for two days, weeks!" I think he was excited about that!
Steve stated Thursday night, that Alex was losing his hair. I told him he was wrong, but I know it is true. This is heartbreaking to me. First of all, they told me he would not lose his hair. So what else are they wrong about? Secondly, I don't want Alex to look sick. The bald children at TCH make me very sad and Alex has always had such a beautiful head of thick brown hair. This morning I realized that if he loses his hair his incision scar will be visible and the other children will see it. I don't want Alex to be "different" or teased. I'm very sad about this, but if it is what must happen to get Alex well then I need to come to terms with this. If anyone knows how to talk to chemo kids about hairloss I would be very interested for some helpful guidelines here. I will call the nurses Monday as well for some advice.
Just to top this all off, I found out this week that my biological mother had a stroke in August. She lives alone in Alabama and we have been talking on the phone since 2003. She sounds very bad due to some paralysis. She has a stutter and it is very difficult for her to speak. When I hung up the phone, I wondered if I should bring her to Denver so she would not be alone. I called Nadine and asked her to come help me process this one. Later that afternoon over a glass of wine, Nadine listened to the facts and then told me I was CRAZY! She made her point quite convincingly and we will not have a permanent house guest any time soon.
Speaking of crazy, I finally went to see a therapist. As anyone who knows me knows, I have been crazy for a long time! My appointment was yesterday and I spent the hour doing a download of the last 5 years, focusing mostly on the events since June. It was an interesting experience to tell the story strictly from my point of view. There were many tears and I felt some relief when I left. The therapist was making notes the entire time and her first words were "When can I see you again?"!! So I booked an appointment for next Tuesday. If anyone out there can watch Zoe Tuesday from 11:30 to 1:30 I would be very grateful. We had to pay a babysitter yesterday so I could go to work and this appointment and at $10/hour it does not really make sense.
Also, I need some help with Zoe on Friday mornings. On Fridays, there is an open desk at the office and it works out pretty well for everyone at that time. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.
Okay well that is it. The weekend looks to be a great one! I get a haircut this morning and the sun is shining and it feels like fall outside! As an FYI to anyone interested the Snowmass Hot Air Balloon Festival is going on today. There is a moon glow this evening that is just spectacular! I highly recommend that you get out of town, see the fall color and enjoy the mountains!
TTFN (tah tah for now, as Tigger would say). God Bless.
G
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7 comments:
Gwen,
I am glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist. I know that will really help you work through the internal worries. Well, I am happy to watch Zoe for you on Tuesday. Just give me a call anytime. My phone number is 303-949-3744.
Gwen,
I guess it would help if you knew who posted the last blog. Its Courtney from across the street. Talk to you soon. Again my number is 303-949-3744.
Dear Gwen,
This was an incredibly moving blog! My heart was really touched by your need to protect Alex from the reality that his hair may be coming out and that he may be seen as "different". I can say that your choice to face your own inner struggles takes a lot of personal energy right now, but you'll find it is better to explore than to hide it away. I really applaude the choices you've made to face the road your family is on! It can't be said enough that you are a truely amazing and beautiful woman! As for your mom I am sorry to hear that she is struggling too. I think Nadine is right. You can only spread yourself so thin before things begin to break! You can still send your love to her in other ways(phone calls, care packages, or even helping her find resources in her community)that will let her know that she is not alone, while still respecting the need to take care of your self!
Sending love,
Tina
We meet an amazing boy named Ryan while at Children's during Ben's treatment. He must have been ten or twelve. Both he and Ben had no hair on the sides of their heads and had very little up on top. He put his arm around Ben said:
"Hair is just a crutch when you're as good looking as us."
Gwendolyn,
Thanks so much for sharing your blog spot address with me! I just finished reading everything here! I just recently met you and Steve, and I am so impressed by both of you! Alexander and Zoe are blessed to have both of you as parents!
Life makes the most damnable requests of us humans sometimes. Please let me know if there are any additional ways that I can support Alexander, and you and Steve. I am excited about being able to work with Alexander!
Gwen...I hope you know how amazing you are as both a wife and mother. My 2 years as a mom is easy compared to yours, but I completely sympathize with the different aspect. I have had similiar experiences and I admire you for your strength once again. My words my provide little comfort or help, but the good thing about hair is it does eventually grow back. Please know that people you don't know are sending their thoughts your way. You are doing a wonderful job, and here are some cyber hugs coming your way!!! :o)
Shantell
I love Dean's comment about no hair! Yule Brenner didn't do to bad!Telly Savilas! Kelly looks pretty cool also! If he was a little older you could tell him God only gave each of us so many hormones. If you want to use yours to grow hair that is OK with me! Seriously, Love youse guyes, pk P. S. We will try to see you Oct 14 or 15.
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