Thursday, August 13th - Zoe has an MRI tomorrow

Hi All,

So Zoe had her first occupational therapy appointment on Tuesday. At the end, the OT asked me "have you noticed her head tick and tilt to the left?" At which time, my heart sank and my guts spilled onto the floor. If you recall, one of Alex's presenting symptoms was a "head tilt to the left". After I asked her to be sure and she was. I asked her what I should do and she said to "have it looked at as soon as possible." So I came home and emailed our pediatrician, Dr. Jody. She called me back and said she would see Zoe this morning for a "check up" and schedule an MRI for today. Well, of course, no one contacts us all day yesterday about any MRI so later that evening we found out it would need to be on Friday. So we all were at the ped's office at 8a this morning and Zoe has grown 3/4 of an inch since May and her eyesight is the same. Other than that, the doc did not see anything and Zoe would not complete the dexterity tests like, touching her nose then the doctor's moving finger. Jody did say that "OT's are so much better at seeing these things" and the we would go ahead with the MRI for everyone's peace of mind. So she called and it is scheduled for 3:45pm MST tomorrow.

Yesterday was a day spent battling fear, logic, anxiety and did I say FEAR!!!!! Luckily Zoe was able to go to her friend's house for the day and Steve and I had time to talk, cry, strategize, pray, cry and plan. I have been asked "is there a tilt" and I say "yes" there is and Steve says "no" and Dr. Jody only saw it at the end of the visit. I am trying so hard to put my powers to good and think positively but PLEASE do not tell me "the odds are in your favor" because that is ABSOLUTELY of no comfort to me! So, I have been to the gym, drank a few beers and held my baby tight and worried myself almost sick.

Tomorrow, Zoe will not be able to eat after 7:30am. I will be at the gym at 9a and we will be at TCH at 2:30p for the scan. We have no plans to tell Zoe much tonight. Tomorrow it will be that we have to go to the hospital and she will get a shot (can't say "poke" because that was Alex's term.) I have to keep reminding myself of that.

So I have members of my tribe showing up tonight and if you are part of that group, you are welcome too! Pray, PRAY and PRAY again!! My wish is that tomorrow we are all free of this all too well known anxiety and excruciating fear.

God bless!

G

Alex, please dear boy, look after your baby sister tomorrow and give her peace. We love you and ache for your smile.