Thursday July 13th

Well it is the morning of the first chemo treatment. Last night was very difficult for me. I picked a fight with Steve just so he'd know I was upset. I would not recommend this method of communicating though. Finally, after having a wonderful dinner provided by another family at Alex's school and shared with our wonderful neighbors, we were able to talk about our feelings. I still don't really understand all of the emotions, fears, anxieties that I have but I do feel better this morning. So perhaps just talking it out did help some. Other moms have come up to me and been very complimentary and amazed at our ability to handle this situation. I don't feel like I am doing anything extraordinary. I truly believe any parent will do "anything" for their child(ren). This is just one of those "anything" moments (that will last a lifetime). My children give me the strength to get up in the morning, to smile and to laugh. After Alex was born, I realized that the greatest gift of having children is that they teach you (force you) to be in the moment. When I am with my children it is so easy to focus on them and just be their mom. If I drift and start thinking, they immediately do something to get my focus back on them. So perhaps that is why this morning has been easier.

Alex has alot of anxiety about getting "poked" this morning. Even though we assure him it won't hurt. (We'll apply a topical anesthetic ointment to his mediport that will numb the area.) So we are trying to focus on all of the fun things we'll get to do during chemo (surreal statement!!). I have a bag full of some of the wonderful gifts Alexander has received from you all. They also have lots of activities in the chemo room as well. I know it will be okay, just anxious and ready to have it over with.

Alex understands that the chemo is medicine to make his bump go away. He also understands that when the bump goes away he will be stronger and able to use his right hand and leg more. If there is a hero in this family it has to be Alexander. He is so amazing and wonderful. As anyone who knows him knows.

I want to thank everyone who has sent cards to Alex. He had three cards to open this morning and absolutely loved it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! He is still caring one of them around with him!!

I also want to thank Jerry Lockwood and my co-workers at JAG. Jerry offered me some more time off. Which means the other adminstrative staff will be doing extra work so that I can stay home for a few more days. I hate to put this burden on my friends at work, but Steve will be traveling next week and both Zoe and Alex are very needy and cuddly these days; so I will need the time to take care of things while they are at school. Zoe's snuggle-bunnyness has increased threefold since this all started. She just wants to be held all of the time, which is wonderful and tiring at the same time. So thank you all for everything. I can't wait to get back into a normal routine!

Okay, well time to get the cream on Alex. Hope everyone has a wonderful day! Kiss and hug a loved one for me!!

Gwendolyn