Pile of Mush or Thursday, May 31st

Good Morning. Let's just say yesterday was not one of my best days. I actually became the sobbing, useless pile of mush on the floor that everyone imagines I should be. I felt completely overwhelmed by life and could not do anything about it but cry and then cry some more. I am pretty sure I scared the tarnation out of Steve! I don't know what caused this episode and as Kathy put it "I don't have to know"; but it may have something to do with the dizzy spells I had over the weekend, the 12 hour fast I had to do that morning causing low blood sugar, sleeping (rather NOT sleeping) with both kids in our bed the night before; or maybe, just maybe, the stress of all of this finally took hold of me and threw me on the floor. I absolutely deplore feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Besides being scary it is just not ME!! Until this weekend, I thought I had my s*@t together. But I was proven otherwise. On Monday, I completely flubbed a dinner party causing several guests to feel completely uncomfortable. If you know me then you know that is not how my dinner parties usually go. Then yesterday morning, I was stopped at a red light and for absolutely no reason just decided to drive through while the light was still red!! I caught myself but not before everyone else at the intersection noticed the stupid woman that must be on SOMETHING!!! Then just to top it off, as I was filling out an online form yesterday, I typed in my area code from my home state! Not the one I have been living in since 2000!! What is up with that????!! So it is official, I have LOST IT!!!

Luckily, I got some rest last night and feel somewhat better today. I'm still very leery to take much on though. The dizzy spells are something I have experienced before in 1997 when I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. That took a solid year of diligence before I could get that under control. So we'll see how today goes. Hopefully my senses will come back to me in the very near future.

Alex is doing pretty well. He has headaches quite often, but that is to be expected since he has two tumors dying in his head! He is considering shaving his head like Calliou (kid show) because he has two large bald spots on the both sides of the back of his head and the rest of the hair is very thin. He said he would do it if it did not hurt. So maybe this weekend. His cheeks are still very swollen as well as his belly. Is it just shallow of me to say that I don't like this version of my beautiful boy? While his smile still lights up any room and my love for him still grows everyday, I hate seeing what this fight has done to his body. I know it is only temporary, but it makes the 400 pound gorilla harder to ignore!! Is that just bad or what?

Zoe Grace starts school on MONDAY!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! JOY TO THE WORLD!!! This is going to be soooooo great for her (and the rest of us too). I can't wait to see her thriving in a Montessori environment. She is just craving activity and attention. It is very hard to balance the high vs. low energy levels of the kids. So this will definitely help. It will also be great to see all of our old friends at the school!! See you Monday!!!

Finally, I want Paul and Diane to know that we got their package yesterday. Alex is so excited to head out to Target today!! We plan to listen to the CD on the way! Thank you SO much! He and Zoe will just love being able to get all of those things I have to say NO to. You are so kind! Kisses and big Paul-size hugs!!!

Okay, I promised Alex I would only sit at the computer for the next 30 minutes and I have to get something accomplished!

Hope your day is a good one!
God bless!
G