Thursday, May 17th

Good Morning. Well, this morning Alex told Steve, "I want to go see Dr. Foreman, because I think I'm sick." He had started coughing early this morning and you could just see it in his eyes that he did not feel well. At treatment they told Steve they heard some tightness in his chest. So right now they are at the clinic waiting to do a blood draw. I want to be there, and today is my day to take Alex to treatment, but he wanted his Daddy. So his Daddy he got! Please say a little prayer for Alex's wellness and wholeness.

I'm adding this paragraph after publishing of the post. Alex and Steve just got home. Alex's blood draw showed "toxicity" meaning he can't tolerate anymore chemo treatments, so he'll miss his last one tomorrow. His steroids have been increased over the weekend, to get him by. Also, his potassium is low and most likely will need a supplement. Finally, Alex will have an MRI next week (four weeks prior to the regularly scheduled MRI) because the doctor wants to verify that his symptoms are due to necrosis and not tumor growth. Well, neither Steve nor I was expecting this. Now I think I'm scared to death!!

I also wanted to document a conversation that happened Tuesday night around the dinner table. So here goes, Zoe was not eating her dinner so Alex said very loudly and firmly "Zoe eat your food!" Then Steve said "Alex, who am I? I'm the Dad, let me tell Zoe to eat her food." Alex, without a moment's hesitation, replied, "Well, I'm the big brother and I named her so I get to tell her what to do!" Then turned his head and tried very hard not to smile but failed miserably!!

Well, Steve tried to contain his laughter in his napkin, but I did not even try and told him to give it up! Alex has never pulled the "I named her" card before and it just goes to show what a great thinker/debater he is and will always be!! Nadine says he is going to be a great attorney some day! Please God, anything but that!!! (My dad was an attorney, just in case you did not know.)

Also, I have to say that this is getting harder every day. Steve and I are starting to feel isolated in our experience. It is very hard to explain to anyone and trying is really futile. Just something you have to experience day in and day out, I guess. I think I'll try to connect to some other families at the fundraiser this weekend, but it all just depends. I am actually a very shy person and have come to rely on Steve to meet new folks.

So here is another experience I have to tell about. Alex has finished every "Color Wonder" book he owns, including Zoe's princesses one! So we headed to Super Target (my absolute favorite weekly-visited store) and had to go straight to the Crayon aisle (as I think of it). We found two more Color Wonder books and one blank Color Wonder pad. Then we bought more markers, and crayons (Alex only likes the sharp ones). Then we headed over to the boys' underwear, where we bought some TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle) boxers and Spiderman 3 briefs. Alex has outgrown all of his underwear by two sizes! Then we saw a glow in the dark Spiderman shirt that Alex had to have to meet Spiderman in this weekend. Then I felt bad about not getting Zoe anything, so she got a new dress as well. Well, at the end of it all, I spent too much money. Alex asked at the dinner table "Mom, how many dollars did we spend today?" (He asked because he wanted the Color Wonder packs that come with a book and markers, but could not have because they cost $8 each) As Steve and I exchanged knowing glances, I replied "too much". Well, he would not let that be the end of it and wanted to know "how many?" So I told him. He said "that's alot, maybe next time we won't get anymore Color Wonder books." Later Steve said "Gwen, you can't spend that kind of money at Target." I said, "I know. (long pause) I just don't know how much longer I'm going to have to make him happy." I could not believe I spoke these words. I hate that I did, especially since I got no relief by speaking them. But Steve understood and we shared a long embrace.

Okay, well that is it for the day. Hopefully, Alex will be meeting Spiderman at Amazing Jakes this Saturday and we will all attend the walk/run on Sunday. Hope your weekend is a good one!

God bless,
G