Wednesday, February 14th

Happy Valentine's Day! Thank you all for your lovely comments. I did not even realize I was being hard on myself. I know I hold myself up to a higher standard than anyone else (emotional baggage from childhood) but often I don't realize how pervasive those messages are to my subconscious. So thank you all for seeing what I could not.

So I need some help and decided to ask for it this time instead of fret and worry. For the first time in my life I have a professional hair color/cut appointment. (see short style in picture) I usually color my own hair but my sister's sister-in-law called me up and asked if I could get her a cut/color appointment with my stylist. This is a big step for her because as long as I have known her, her haircut has been the exact same and I have always wanted to do a beauty makeover on this beautiful woman. So I decided to join her and I am pretty excited about it too. But, I need childcare for Alex and Zoe Friday afternoon at 1:40 ish til I don't know when, maybe after dinner. If you know a great babysitter or would like to help out please let me know.

I also have some good news to share!! Denver Options has awarded us $1,500 for respite, medical and other services. So we can now afford to pay for babysitting and go on dates or something like that. So I am more than willing to pay for Friday's childcare. Also, I found a daycare center in Arvada that can take Zoe on Friday mornings while I work. The cost is reasonable and the place is fine. It is not somewhere I would have Zoe on a fulltime basis but for one half day a week it will do. I am on a wait list for a neighborhood childcare facility that is close and has a good reputation. Also, I got a call from the kids' former school and the director has told me that she will find a place for Zoe in September and that the kids can attend summer camp there as well! Wow, this is such a surprise and just great news for the kids. I hope we can swing the summer school tuition and I should be back at work by the beginning of the fall semester. Alex misses his friends so much and has said that he wants to go back to his old school on occasion.

Also, Alex is feeling much better! We went to his doctor appointment on Monday and he was definitely back to his old, smiling, gregarious self! His appetite has returned and when I asked him if he wanted noodles (his usual) for dinner last night he said, "Nope! Tonight I want something different. I want PIZZA!" Well, I am sure most parents are not as thrilled to hear their kids request pizza but sense this shows a new direction for Alex and his tastebuds, we were truly excited and amused. Needless to say, we ordered pizza for the boy! As I review the weekend, I think Alex suffered from a combination of things: overexhaustion, pollution (if you lived here you would know what I mean) , change in altitude, jet lag, and getting reaquainted with being home after a long time away.

So I have decided to focus on the good stuff and really try to practice some gratitude more often. I am also praying that the events of the past few days showing a turnaround for us!

So in closing, I wanted to share with everyone the sentiment I included on our Valentine's Day cards.

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for." Allan K. Chalmers

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays because it is the celebration of LOVE! I hope you all find happiness and joy today and everyday. I will try my best to do so as well.

God bless.
G

Monday, February 12th

Hi. I feel horrible for the last post. All I can attribute it to is pure exhaustion. Unfortunately we did not get much rest over the weekend. Alex has had a very difficult weekend. He is only eating his breakfast and basically is not enjoying much. We even had dinner with our dear neighbors and Alex's best friend Saturday and all he could do was lay on the couch. He would not play or engage in conversation. His rest is intermittent at best due to the choking and fright that he wakes up to. Yesterday he fell asleep on the couch for several hours. His doctor wants to see him this afternoon and another MRI may be scheduled soon.


Please forgive me my rudeness and abrasiveness. I did not make it to church yesterday instead I did an advanced step workout and I did feel better and even spoke to God during it! =0)


Well, I just wanted to apologize to everyone. As I was researching love quotes for my annual Valentine's Day cards I found this and wanted to share it. It seems so relevant right now.


"You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else." Hermann Hesse

God Bless and Happy Valentine's Day!

G

Saturday, February 10th

Okay, I am officially DONE! Steve graciously let me sleep in this morning til 9AM at which time I awoke to Alex's screams of pain. I got up, called the hospital and was told to take him to ER. At the ER we were told that the ear pain is "referred pain" caused by the brainstem tumor and luckily the Tylenol we gave him helped significantly. It seems that referred pain in the ear, chest, and neck are common with a nervous system tumor. But, here's the catch, two docs heard a heart murmur and Alex had to have an EKG and chest X-ray to see if the chemo has damaged (reduced size) of his heart. All is okay and the murmur is most likely caused by a decrease in his hemoglobin due to Thursday's chemo.

That's it. I'm exhausted.

God bless or not.
G

Friday, February 9th

Good morning. Well it has been a long time since the last blog but after you read this you will understand. The visit to None's was a good one. She lives in a very wooded area of Washington and it was lovely. It was nice to have some down time to just relax and visit even though the circumstances were abominable. Steve decided to drive a truck he had sold to his dad five years ago and pull a trailer full of stuff home. He left last Thursday afternoon and spent the evening with his dear friend and our best man, Mark in Idaho. That evening after putting the kids to bed in the master bedroom, I heard someone shaking a bottle. When I went in the room, Zoe was sitting in a sea of Tylenol PM caplets. Some of the pills were wet and had obviously been in her mouth. Well I called Poison Control and was told to get her to an ER. This was 7:45 PM. So we got the kids up and off we headed to the hospital. On the way out of town, I asked Linda "How far is the hospital?" She replied that it was 45 minutes to an hour away. At that time, I really started freaking out because Zoe (who had not napped all day) was falling asleep in the car seat. I had Linda call 911 and we pulled over and waited. A fire truck pulled up and the man in charge looked at Zoe and said that she looked good but to continue to take her to the ER to get her "levels checked". So we continued on.

Once we arrived, Zoe and I went inside and Linda stayed with Alex in the car. Well 3.5 hours and a traumatizing blood draw from the arm later, Zoe's Tylenol levels were negative and she was released. I was so grateful. It seems that the "PM" component of the medicine can not be traced in the blood stream but the "Tylenol" component can. So parents be sure to check grandparent's medicine cabinets or drawers in this case when you visit. Lesson learned here!

Well, I spoke to Steve that night and did not hear from him on Friday. I told myself that it was due to the fact that he was "out of range" on his cellular phone. After Saturday morning had passed, I started to get worried. He finally called me Saturday afternoon. Are you ready for this? Well, Friday night Steve was driving through Wyoming and had to stop at a Super 8 due to blizzard conditions. He got up Saturday and headed for home. The weather was still very bad and his windshield wipers iced over. As he was cleaning the wipers in three degree blizzard conditions, our new puppy, Roxie locked the truck. Having no other recourse, Steve broke the window. So off he headed. That's not the end of this tale! Steve was then pulled over by a police officer who thought the truck was stolen due to the broken window. Luckily, Steve had all the proper paperwork.

Hold on there's more! Then at about 2:15 PM, just outside of Cheyenne and an hour and a half from home (of a 23 hour journey) Steve decided to move into the right lane. He hit some black ice and started sliding. He corrected the truck but the weight of the trailer sent the truck and trailer rolling. YES! STEVE ROLLED THE TRUCK! Steve survived with minor scratches and even had the wherewithall to grab Roxie in midroll so she is fine as well. The truck is totaled but the trailer survived thanks to Mike's incredible assembly and design. Steve finally called me from the tow truck driver's mobile phone. I was so happy to hear his voice but was pretty upset by the news of the accident. Steve got home thanks to our dear friends, Nadine and Tall Steve. They drove from Denver on a moment's notice to bring him and Roxie home.

Ok, so now it is Monday. Steve returns to work. His coworkers at McKesson pitched in and brought groceries to the house. Deb, a co-PM, with Steve did the shopping at Whole Foods and boy did she get some yummy food. When I got home I was completely overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness.

So the kids and I left Washington Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM. We drove for 2.5 hours into Portland Airport. Then flew into Phoenix. Had an hour lay over, ate lunch and boarded a plane home. Zoe had her own seat to Phoenix but had to sit in my lap home. She did not nap and was a tad cranky on the last leg home. It was so good to get home but I was completely disoriented for a while. I had to remember how to work the stove and drive the car!

So I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what is going on with this series of unfortunate events. Is there a black cloud over this family? Are we jinxed?
Doomed to a hard life? Being punished? All I can come up with is that we need to get to church! The lesson I have learned is that gratitude needs to be a part of our daily lives. That we need to stop getting caught up in the day-to-day, small stuff and appreciate the many gifts in our lives such as our friends. As I wrote this blog I realized that we have such a wonderful group of friends. That we are blessed that we only lost a truck in this ordeal. That death is a part of life and what makes it o precious. My heart is full right now. Thank you for helping me get to this point.

Each one of you is dear to us. Thank you and God bless.
G

Saturday, January 20th

Well, life is interesting with its peaks and valleys. Steve's father passed away Friday. His mom called the house last night and told me. I told Steve when he got home a few minutes later. I hope I never have to deliver that type of news ever again. The death is completely unexpected and everyone is in shock right now.

Our concern right now is for Steve's mom. Steve's parents left their home of over twenty years (give or take a few) to be with Steve's aunt who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over a year ago. If you recall, Steve's aunt passed around Christmas and now his mom has no family left except for her children and grandchildren. Steve is flying out now and should be with her tonight. The kids and I are leaving tomorrow.

Our intent is to help her with all of the logistics and planning. To comfort and ease her grief as much as possible, to distract her from her pain with the bright, shiny faces of her youngest grandchildren including her only granddaughter. I don't know where she will decide to go or do, but we would love to have her in our home. Her daughter lives in San Francisco and since that is where she grew up and the number one city in the country she may decide to live there. She also has twin grandsons there as well as her daughter and son-in-law. No matter what, we will support her in every way. We just want her to be comfortable and at peace.

I can't wait to get there to give her a big hug and just hold her. I can't imagine what the last 28 hours have been like. Steve tells me it was their 44th wedding anniversary yesterday as well.

So here we go. Wish us well.

God bless.
G

Thursday, January 18th

Hi everyone! Well we have a new Kasnoff in the household. Her name is Roxie and she is 10 weeks old and weighs about 10 pounds. I had to let my dreams of Sheba go. Roxie is half boxer, quarter lab, and quarter bloodhound. She is a cutie too and very sweet.

Monday we headed North about an hour or so out of town to see Monica, a 13 month old boxer. She was very nice and a beautiful dog but both of the kids were scared to death of her. Steve and I decided she was not the one. On the way back we stopped in another town to check out some lab puppies. Well, the lab puppies were cute but a mix with an Australian Sheperd and we just don't have the room for any sheperd types around here. But it was at this stop that we saw Roxie and her sister. We really liked them and decided to go have dinner and think it over. Well we decided she was a go, and we picked her up and headed home.

Needless to say, Roxie is not housetrained yet. And Steve and I are not puppy trained either. We came inside and put Roxie down and started putting the kids to bed. Well, Roxie was quite nervous and it showed! Let's just leave it at that. Luckily we have all become quickly acquainted with one another and I am happy to report Roxie is doing much better as long as we pay attention to her!

Alex and Zoe are still getting used to having a puppy around. Rox knocks Zoe down and Zoe does not care for this much! Alex thinks Roxie is going to bite him when she sniffs and plays. He does not like it when she jumps up on him and gets his balance off kilter. Yesterday, the kids and I took Rox on her first walk around the block. Rox did not like the cars and would just stop every time a car came by us. Today's walk will be on a less traveled street.

I am so happy to have this puppy. I know walking her everyday (deal made with Alex prior to rescue) will be good for all of us. There are days when the only sun that hits my face is while I am driving! That is just not right!

Well, Alex had his last chemo until February 8th today. He did very well and we are looking forward to the break. Zoe and I spent some time in a bookstore yesterday spending some gift cards we received over the holidays, so I am hoping to get some reading in soon. The only negative that happened since the last post was that Zoe's playmate on Wednesday's and Friday's has changed his school schedule and he won't be able to come over any more or see Zoe on Friday's at his home. I am so bummed about this. I called the school yesterday to find out if they had saved Zoe a spot for the fall semester and found out that they had not and were completely full. I am going to tour another school tomorrow morning with Zoe, but they too are full and our chances of getting in are slim. If anyone knows of a family that wants to baby swap on weekday mornings please let me know. Zoe needs to be around kids her own age and I feel she is being slighted because she is not in school/daycare right now. This is hard for me as her mom and I am racking my brain to figure out a way to resolve this situation. Suggestions are always welcome!

Well, I better go. Alex is up and we are waiting on Zoe to rise from her nap to go on our walk! Hope your day is a good one!

God Bless,

G

Sunday, January 14th

Hi everyone, after much ado, Steve has agreed to get a DOG!!! I put an appliacation in for Sheba this morning and can't wait to hear back!! I think what got Steve off the fence besides my excellent skills of persuasion was Alex asking Steve "Daddy, can we get a dog today?". Steve just looked at me but I had not said a word about it and then went downstairs. When he came back upstairs, he stated "we can get a dog"!! I am so psyched. I hope this all works out well for everyone.

BTW, today is an anniversary, of sorts, for us. Seven years ago today, Steve answered my email from match.com. Yes that is how we met. I had lived in my first home in OKC for one year and thrown out all of my boxes for my clocks, china, etc. because I was never going to move again. I was not interested in going out (been there, done that) and found myself hanging out with a small group of friends, mostly couples. Anyway, there was a front page article in the OKC Gazette (similar to our Westword) about internet dating and they stated that match.com was the best; so I signed up for a 14 day free trial.

Well since I don't believe in long distance relationships, I put in a 10 mile radius of my home. Well, being 30ish, single, never been married, childless, and resembling a sore thumb; the only matches I got within 10 miles were for married men! Yes, married men openly sign up for these sites! I was appalled, so I put in 500 miles thinking that will get me to Colorado (my family's favorite vacation destination). With that expanded search, I got 500 matches and started going through the men with pictures. I found Steve's profile and his picture with him holding a baby (his nephew). I wrote to him asking if he debated between using a baby or a puppy for his photo and I guess I made him laugh. Long story, longer, he wrote back the next day (Jan. 14, 2000) and I moved from OKC three and a half months later to be with him. One year later, he proposed and we were married 8 months after that. Four months after that, we bought this home and nearly eleven months later, Alex was born! I never believed in "love at first sight" or "fairy tale stories" or being swept off my feet, but after meeting Steve I just had to shut up. He charmed the socks off of me and I am so happy that he is my husband today.

Okay, enough mushy stuff. Wish us luck with Sheba. She is still listed on the Pet Pals website and all of our fingers are crossed!

Stay warm and God bless.

G

Saturday, January 13th

Hi Everyone. Well it is COLD!! My sister has an inch of ice on her streets but we did not get ice (so far) just very cold, cold weather. The sun is shining and it is very deceptive. We went out last night for dinner and Alex was pretty miserable in the cold on the way back to the car. I did not send him to school Friday just because I knew the cold would affect him severely. If you recall, every one of his five senses (except smell) has been affected by this brainstem tumor. He is quite sensitive to touch and temperature. We are working around this, but I am getting a bit of cabin fever and really want to get out of the house.

I think Zoe must have drank some bad milk last night at dinner. She was sick throughout the night but seems just fine now and never had a fever. Poor baby. She is resting again now and on her third set of bedsheets. So far everything she has eaten has stayed down. Let's pray for her wellness!

Well chemo went well and as planned on Thursday. Alex does not have to make up the missed chemo session from last week so that is a huge bonus! He is starting to get used to the process but still exhibits alot of anxiety over that darn butterfly bite into his mediport.

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments. It is nice to read them over and over again. Scott, please contact us so I can tell you the dates of the Disney trip. If you don't know how just leave your email in a comment and I'll get in touch. My sister's family is trying to get to Orlando with us and so is my sister-in-law's. I can't wait. All of the feedback says this is a wonderful vacation for everyone.

Well, I still want a puppy/dog but Steve has put his foot down. I just wish this urge would go away. I think about Sheba everyday and as of Friday she was still up for rescue. Well, I believe what my grandmother used to say. "You are exactly where you need to be". So I'll just work on accepting and loving life as it is now.

I hope everyone out there is warm and comfy. I sent Steve out snowshoeing with our friend, Nadine. He really needs to get some mountain air and recreation. He works so hard and I worry about his health. He really looked puny this week and I am happy he is out right now.

God bless and take care!

Love, G.

Monday, January 8th

Good Morning. Well TGIM? The winter break ends and school starts tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this. I will miss having Alex home all day, but I know Zoe and I need that time for just us. I am pretty sure it will be good for everyone to get back into a routine.

I just wanted to note something that happened yesterday. Well, for the first time since the brain biopsy, Alex walked across the house without his super boot or shoes on. He did not use any supports such as walls or tables. He was carrying a beach ball from the play room to the living room and just walked. I rejoiced! Steve was so proud too! I know it is such a small thing, but it is huge in this house. It means Alex is getting his confidence, strength and stability back. It means he is going through all of this for a reason and that it is WORKING!! I cried just a bit. I felt my heart open and grow with faith and hope for the future. It was a brief glimpse but one I will cherish forever.

I know this all sounds very corny and everyone out there with healthy kids running around, jumping on the beds, and absolutely driving you crazy probably can't appreciate. But if you can, for just today, try to rejoice in the jumping, running and even ability to walk across the house of your little one(s). It is a precious gift that not every child has.

God bless.
G

Friday January 5th

First of all I want to thank everyone who has posted a comment lately. I was beginning to feel like I was doing this all for naught. Anyway, your comments help me and Steve so much. It is like opening a beautiful gift when I see a comment in my "In" box. So please know, especially since I can not respond to the comments individually (unless I have your email address), that I/we are very appreciative of every kind word.

So we got yet another snow storm last night and throughout today. That makes three in as many weeks. I know a lot of people are sick of the snow, but I am reveling in it. I love the snow when it falls, when it glistens in the moonlight and when it crunches under my feet. My only wish is that Alex could enjoy the snow. He is so sensitive to the cold and unsteady on his feet anyway that he won't even go outside unless it is absolutely necessary and then only very reluctantly. I have talked to him and shown him the snow as it falls. He likes to look at it and loves to see the snow covered mountains but we all will just have to wait to build that snowman together.Zoe on the other hand will walk out in the snow barefoot. She absolutely has no fear and loves to experience different textures under her feet.

Today, I had a very hard time waking up, my body felt like it was filled with lead and my stomach was very queasy. I got Zoe to her play date and made it into the office by 8:30 AM. I had to take one of Alex's Zofrans to help with my nausea though. At work I learned that one of my coworkers grandson has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and was scheduled for surgery today. I knew he was going in for the MRI last week and spoke to his mother that morning, but had not heard back from her, even after leaving a message. So my worst fears were confirmed today. My heart sank when told the news and my stomach felt even more upset. This just should not happen to children. How is that I know three children with brain tumors? What is going on? When will it stop?

I have not called my coworker or the mother yet. I want to give them space and time to cope with the "new normal". They both know that I am here and available if needed so I won't be calling to put them through the telling of the tale again. I know it is just so hard every single time.

So I picked up Zoe and came home to Steve and Alex. I immediately laid down and covered up with a blanket on the couch. I did not get up off the couch until I had finished most of Steve's special hot toddy late this afternoon. After that, I had some energy and it finally got the chill out of my bones. We had homemade soup for dinner and I can't drink enough water. I feel better but the absolutely best part of my day has been sharing in Zoe's great mood. She has been so so very happy today. She is talking alot (no, I can't understand everything), screeching with joy and walking around with such determination in her step. She and Alex were watching a DVD and she was sitting there laughing, throwing her head back, slapping her knee then laughing some more. She has been like that all day. Just as sweet and cute and fun as any child could be. I have no idea what has made today different but I did notice that she and Alex really were loving having Mom and Dad around during the holiday break. They both seemed so much more content and joyful (of course all of the gifts, had nothing to do with that). Anyway, it is hard to stay miserable when that joyous energy is in your house. I feel much better now.

My sister's family is coming down the mountain tomorrow to spend the night with us before heading home. We can't wait to have them here. Alex is very excited to have his cousin here. They interact so well together now. Stephanie and I are going to have pedicures tomorrow downtown to continue a sisterly tradition we have. I'm sure we will stop in some swanky place and have a glass of champagne too (gotta love those traditions)! We don't have plans for tomorrow night and that is fine with me. I would be content just hanging out here at the house. There really is nothing I like more than to entertain friends and family and share our home, food and wine.

Okay, well Alex wanted to go to bed ten minutes ago, so I better get. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Kiss and hug a loved one for me and get a hug and kiss for yourself!

God bless.
G

Thursday January 4th

Well, we went to the hospital today for chemo but did not get it. Alex's blood/ox levels were low again and he has a bad cough. So they did a chest X-ray and it showed that the lower wedge of his right lung is collapsed. He is coughing so much in an attempt to reopen it. So they gave Alex a deep breathing exerciser and sent us home.

Last night was a very difficult one for Alex. He would wake up choking (as usual), then cough violently then get these horrible intense hiccups (caused by tumor on the brainstem). So I am hopeful that we can get him some relief soon.

He asked why he had to blow into the machine. "To get no chemo?" I told him no, that he has to use the machine to help his sick lung get more air and to make his coughs better. Otherwise he would have to go stay in the hospital. I think that motivated him since he asked for the machine and practiced on it for about 7 minutes in the car.

On another topic, I had a dream that we had decided to get Alex a dog. Currently we have Steve's SuperElderly Sage who is 144 people years old! And my dowry cat, Mena who is 8 years old. Steve had said that when Sage passes he would want to get a dog. Ever since I had this dream, it has stuck with me and I keep weighing the pros and cons. Good for Alex, family, activity, companionship, good for dog since we would get a rescue dog; but bad for more responsibility, more money and poor Sage probably could not handle it! So we'll see. Right now I have my eyes on a 8 month old boxer mix in Wyoming named Sheba!! I'll try to attach her picture. I'm sure Steve will love that!!!

Okay, well the plan is for Alex to do his deep breathing three times daily until next week and call Oncology if he gets a fever or something else occurs. So just another bump in the road. Hardly felt this one! =0)

God bless! G

Wednesday January 3rd

Good Morning. Well we all survived 2006! Some people say to us "well the new year can't be any worse than last year". Through my life I have learned to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER think it can't get any worse. And I feel cursed when I hear this comment. So please if you see me, don't tell me it can't get any worse. I would rather reflect on how life is a constant learning experience and each year brings growth and wisdom, even if you don't want to grow or be wiser!

The real reason for this post is to tell everyone that we just returned from Alex's 3rd MRI. Dr. Nick (Pediatric Oncologist) says the tumor has shrunk slightly and that is okay. He explained that the slow process of shrinking has begun and will continue even after chemo treatments end.

Personally, I am just focusing on how much stronger and louder and better Alex has become. His soft voice is gone and he can now yell as loud as any kid (that's good and bad). He has been riding his new Superman bike around the dining room every day (without his feet being strapped to the pedals for control) and at times we see Alex just being a typical four year old boy. That is the best part - the normal, previously unappreciated little things that make my heart sing.

Luckily Steve was able to come to the MRI this morning. Alex got a lot of security from his dad being there with him. Zoe fell asleep in the car on the way home and would not be left alone in the creative play center this morning. We all had a very early morning and I am sure naps are in our future!

Alex is eating his waffles now and watching his shows. We took him to Macaroni Grill last night so he could have the fettucini alfredo with lots of grated cheese! He ate and ate and ate. When we got home he told us his tummy hurt from eating too much noodles, cheese and milk. We told him that perhaps next time he should listen to his body and stop eating when he feels full. He agreed wholeheartedly.

Alex had to get the dreaded "butterfly bite" this morning. He debated all morning until the anethesia kicked in whether to leave it in or have it taken out. He finally decided to have it taken out and just get another one tomorrow morning for chemo. I thought that was such a big boy choice!

On a very sad note, Steve's aunt died last week from pancreatic cancer. While the death was not unexpected it was heartbreaking. Susan lived a full life but never got to meet our dear Zoe before her diagnosis. My prayers go out to my mother and father-in-law and Steve for closure and peace.

Well, my sister's family made it to Colorado Monday evening FINALLY!! They stayed one night then left for the mountains yesterday morning. Alex and Zoe just loved having cousin Evan here to play with them. We were all sad to see them leave but they will return and stay Saturday night then depart on Sunday (unless another blizzard should occur!!) They missed out on four days of their ski vacation due to the last two blizzards making the interstates from Oklahoma to Colorado impassable. These storms seem to be more than just a mild inconvenience for some and I pray that everyone with starving cattle and without power get some relief soon.

Okay, that's the update. I updated the blog to a new version of blogger. It says you can post a comment by hitting the " 0 comments" link at the end of each blog. I can't wait to hear from you all.

Have a great day! God bless.
G

Friday, December 29th

I just want to document a conversation we had on the way to Alex's chemo appointment yesterday. It went something like this.


A: Mom I hate chemo.


G: I know honey, but chemo helps make you stronger. (long pause)


A: No, mommy. Chemo does not make me stronger cuz it takes my energy away.


G: Yes, Alex. Chemo does take your energy away now, but it helps you fight the bump and when the bump is gone then you will have lots of energy.


A: (pause) When we will I be done with chemo?


G: In September.


A: How many days is September?


G: Well, it is 9 months and each month has 30 days.


A: September will NEVER come.


G: It will baby, I promise.


That conversation struck me as so poignant and revealing. We really got a glimpse into how Alex feels about chemo and his recovery. Alex is my hero and as his mother I pray that he did not have to go through all of this. I just have to have faith that this will all behind us some day and Alex will be a better human being for going through this struggle. I also know it will make us all better for going through it with him.



On a lighter note, the snow began yesterday around 10:30am. It snowed until we went to bed at 10:30pm and had 8 inches on the lawn. It obviously snowed during the night and has been off and on today. Steve keeps shoveling the walk ways every few hours. The news reports that we will continue to see snow showers through tonight and perhaps into Sunday. My sister, brother-in-law and nephew have a week long vacation planned in Breckenridge that begins tomorrow morning. She is in OKC and I have no idea how they plan to get to the mountains since I-70 is closed in Kansas and eastern Colorado. I will be praying for their safe journey.



I have some pics of the snow I will post soon. Seems like there is a lot of work to do around the house today even though it is a snow day. Steve started a minestrone last night and we just had some for lunch. Yum! Yum! Steve can make a mean soup!

Well, Happy New Year!
God Bless.

G

Wednesday, December 27th

Good Morning Everyone! Well we survived the holiday, one down one to go! Life was very busy and I thought of you all often but just never made it to the computer. Steve has been battling an upper respiratory illness and we just found out that Zoe has ear infections in both ears yesterday. Two weeks ago she cut all four bicuspids and was absolutely miserable for a few days. She is now on antibiotics and on her way to recovery. I woke yesterday and felt like a block of cement in the bed. It took a great deal of effort to get up and my body aches, so I may be coming down with something as well. But even with all of that, we still had a fabulous holiday.

I have to thank the Harris family and Robby's friends for making Christmas morning so wonderful. I did not count how many gifts they brought to our house but it was a sight to see them all under the tree. Alex was in heaven, opening one present after another; while Zoe was overwhelmed after two presents and decided to take a break in Daddy's arms.

Christmas Eve was very laid back and easy for the first time in my adult life. Steve and I were in bed by 10 pm!! Alex is afraid of a large, bearded man named Santa in our house on Xmas eve, so we put our Christmas cookies, milk and note outside on the front porch. This year when Alex went to retrieve the plate and glass he discovered a shiny, Superman bike! He was so excited, he was actually speechless for a few seconds.

As you may have all heard, we got socked by a huge snow storm a week ago! Luckily we did not have any place to go so it was pretty tolerable. When the snow stopped we headed outside to start digging out along with the rest of the neighborhood. Before you knew it, there was a "snow bar" set up and Xmas music playing in the streets. I love my neighborhood!! The impromptu party continued into the early afternoon then it was nap time. Steve just told me that another 3 feet is headed our way. I am just glad Alex got lots of new games for Xmas. We have already played the game of "Life" and the "Honey Bee Tree" game.

Robby's friends gave Steve a child carrier/backpack. We are so excited to try it out as soon as possible. It fits children up to 45 pounds and Alex is currently at 30. He has lost 10 pounds! I am very scared that he'll need a feeding tube soon. Tomorrow he starts his chemo again and he has his third MRI. He was supposed to have the MRI today, but the appointment went into a "black hole" somehow and had to be rescheduled. So tomorrow will be a long, long day for Alexander. I'm pretty confident that the tumor will show a decrease in size. He is definitely stronger. Last week during PT, he did a leg press machine, rode a bicycle and hopped in moon shoes! His voice is stronger and he has even started to use his right hand more, not alot but when he gets used to it being able to do what he wants he'll put it to use more often.

Well, I am going to try to attach some photos for you. I hope you enjoy them. Please have a safe and joyous New Year! God Bless!

G

Tuesday, December 5th

Good Morning. Well the Make-A-Wish Christmas Store was a complete hit! Alex and Zoe had a blast. Alex got his face stenciled with Santa and a Xmas tree. Zoe entertained the masses with her independence and cute self. Alex has a bag full of wrapped gifts all ready to go under the tree (whenever we get one).

Well all weekend through today the kids have been down with bad colds. Neither has a fever so we have not had to go to the hospital or pediatrician. Thank God!! Zoe and I are starting to get some cabin fever though. Steve left on a biz trip yesterday and these four walls are closing in fast! Hopefully Alex will go to school tomorrow morning. I am pretty sure he is well enough to go to PT this afternoon. It will do him good to see his physical therapist (that he has a crush on) and get moving again. Zoe also loves to play in the gym during Alex's PT sessions.

When Steve gets home we plan to go to Disney on Ice! It is nice to have something fun planned for the kids. They miss Steve so much when he is gone. Zoe came to me this morning and took me to the back door saying "dow steers" (downstairs, for those that don't speak Zoe). She wanted to go see her daddy who's office is set up downstairs as well as his gym and bear cave! Alex said to me a few minutes ago, "Mom, I don't want daddy to go on trips anymore." I told him they are very important trips that daddy goes on for his work. (Steve, I am not trying to give you a guilt trip, just telling it like it is, XOXO.) So like I said it will be nice to have a family outing when Steve returns. Especially since the weekend was a bust.

Well I really can't think of much else to say. Beside the colds, life is pretty uneventful right now. I should be getting the house set up for Xmas, but all the stuff is in the attic and it is too dangerous for me to get down by myself. I think I will enjoy a week off and just take care of the kids. That is a full time job any parent understands!

Hope you all are well. Have a wonderful week.

God bless.
G

Tuesday, November 28th

Hi everyone! Wow, it is almost December! How did that happen? We had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving with our family from San Francisco! Alex and Zoe absolutely adored having two seven year old boys in the house to play with them. We ate turkey, went to a local arcade, did some bowling, had spa treatments, sled down mountains, went shopping; built-a-bears, and had pictures taken with Santa Claus! It was a lot of fun packed into five days. The house seems so very quiet since they left yesterday. Hopefully, we will all be together again in March.

During the Thanksgiving weekend, the Starlight Starbright Foundation gave us tickets to go see "A Christmas Carole". It was a wonderful show and being the "bowl full of mush" that Steve says I am; I cried during the show. For some reason, the message really hit home this year. Don't ask me why! =0)

I can't tell you how great the Starlight Starbright Foundation has been to us. They seem to have events every week that Alex can attend. The next big one is "Disney On Ice". I'll wait to tell Alex about it but I know he and Zoe will love it. In addition, the Make-A-Wish folks are setting up a shopping center for Alex and other children this Friday at the hospital. A volunteer will take him through with $7 and let him shop for the family. Everything in the shop costs $1. Alex will have a blast I know. Make-A-Wish has also granted Alex's wish to go to Disney World in March, 2007. I know this will be a trip of a lifetime. I really am excited to get out of town and have some fun.

Finally, Robbie's Friends has offered to do the Christmas shopping for our family. It really is remarkable how wonderful the community support is for our family and others like us. I can't recommend these organizations enough for your support and charitable contributions. They really have made a difference in our lives.

Alex is doing well and we are about one third of the way through the chemo schedule! Alex is getting stronger and his sweet nature shines through most of the time. Zoe seems to grow smarter every day. I adore my children so much. I really do not know how I got along for so long without them!

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season. This year has changed our lives and allowed me to appreciate the gifts in every soul. I hope each of you experience the joy, gratitude and beauty the holidays can bring.

God Bless!
g

Tuesday, November 14th

Good Morning. Alex is home and doing well. His blood/ox levels rose around midnight last Tuesday and he was sent home Wednesday afternoon. I kept him out of school Thursday and Friday was a school holiday. Needless to say, life has been hectic around here. I think I am still catching up on the night's rest lost in the hospital. It is just impossible to be comfortable and sleep through all the nurse visits.

Steve and I were able to go on a date Saturday night and had a blast. We had a very good time but were exhausted by the end of the evening. Getting old has its downfalls!

I think that is it. I apologize for not updating the blog sooner. Hopefully, this week will go smoothly. Hope yours is a good one.

God bless.
G

Thursday, November 9th

Alex came home yesterday. Around midnight Tuesday night his blood/ox levels returned to the mid 90's so they let him come home. YEAH! We had an ugly meltdown last night at bedtime but both kids were sawing logs before the bedroom door was shut.

I kept Alex out of school today just to give him some more time to get better. Steve and I are discussing the possibility of taking him out of school since this all started with a pink eye outbreak. There are many pros and cons to a decision like this and we have decided to speak to the doctors about it before we finalize our decision.

I was so exhausted last night that I did not hear Zoe cry for her lost binky at 3:30AM, so Steve got up to help her. He did not fall back asleep and sounds like the living dead on the phone. Everyone here just woke up from a one to three hour nap. We all needed it, I guess.

Okay, well that is about it. Hope your day is a good one.

God bless.
G

Tuesday, November 7th

Real quick. Alex became very hoarse and started coughing after an outing to the park, about 5:30PM. The night was absolutely horrible. He was coughing, choking, coughing, choking all night. Needless to say noone got any rest last night except for Zoe. Alex did not have a fever all night so at 6 AM we were up and calling the hospital to find out when Oncology opened. We arrived at Oncology at 8:10AM and Alex was admitted to the hospital around 1PM. I left at 5:30PM and will be returning to spend the night with Alex.

He is being treated for Croup with antibiotics and steroids. He is staying at the hospital so his blood/oxygen levels can be monitored. They are running pretty low. He is absolutely miserable. When I ask him if he is scared, he nods "yes". He cried about going to the hospital, asked several times when we were leaving and cried about going to his room. This is absolutely tearing Steve and me up. We hate to see our little boy so unhappy. Again, I miss his smile.

I know Alex will be better but this feels like retraumatizing. Please pray for his peace and speedy recovery.

God bless.
G

Tuesday, November 11th

Happy November everyone! Can you believe it? November already! I apologize for not updating the blog recently, it was a very busy couple of weeks getting ready for Alexander's 4th birthday party. The party was a smashing success, I must say! SuzeQ the Clown did a magic show with a live dove and rabbit. Then she painted all of the kids' faces wonderfully. Everyone seemed to have a good time.

As of yesterday at 5pm, I had the house back in order and was ready for some Halloween fun. We did not have as many trick-or-treaters this year as in the past, but we still ran out of candy by 7:15pm.

Everyone here is having a difficult transition off daylight savings time. Steve and I are in bed so early we have to laugh at ourselves. Then Steve gets up at an ungodly hour of the morning. I try to sleep in but I have been awake at 5am the last two days. AUGHH.

So except for some fatigue everything else is going pretty well. Alex loved seeing all of his friends at the party and has been in good spirits the last few weeks. Zoe had a fever yesterday that I attibute to the four vaccinations she received Monday. Knock on wood, we are generally in good health.

Thank you all for your support and I hope your day is a good one. Please vote this year, it seems to be an especially significant election year. God bless.

G